Patiently Hope and Quietly Wait

"One affords himself no pity when in this case, because it seems so unreasonable, even sinful, to be troubled without manifest cause. Yet troubled the man is, even in the very depths of his spirit. If those who laugh at such melancholy did but feel the grief of it for one hour, their laughter would be sobered into compassion."

At times all of life seems to be against you. It chews you up and leaves you in an exhausted heap on the floor. It does not make sense. An end is not visible. And you wonder, is it worth the cost? Does my breath make a difference?

Other times you go through things where you watch brothers and sisters hurt each other, and you know, you KNOW that is not what the Lord meant when He left us down here together. We were meant to live in grace, mercy, love. It is especially painful when hurt comes from our "family." And you wonder, does anyone see Jesus in all this?

Then there are times when you know you are on the edge of something. Some ministry. Some responsibility that you know you cannot meet. Not in your flesh. No Way. And that is scary.

What if one finds themselves facing all of those at once? What if the Accuser is reminding you of your past? What if the Author is showing you glimpses of your future? What if your Flesh is screaming for clarity in your today? Could one find themselves weary in heart, body, mind?

I think so. I know so. I've just come away from heart wrenching experiences with brothers and sisters behaving badly. I had no idea how much it saddened my soul. The disillusionment still not fully understood. I have gone through changes of jobs, schedule, church family, my neighbor just found out she may not have long to live- and she has young children, then there are the usual stresses, and on it goes. Now I am about to take the second and final level of the counseling program. It is intense. It forces you to take a good look at your heart. And I have been avoiding some things with the Lord that I will not be able to avoid much longer. Tell me how to be perky?

Last Sunday I was thinking that maybe God wants us to live in parallel worlds? One reality that is all the negatives that must be daily faced- world hunger, poverty, meanness, the budget; one reality that is all the positives that give us the ability to always rejoice, give thanks and sing with abandon. So now I wonder how to co-exist? How does one live in both? At one time, or in seasons of each? I don't want to pretend the one does not exist, but I do not want to wallow in sorrow either. What does this look like? Why is it so exhausting?

And then I figure something is just wrong with me, a defect. Why am I like this? I hear my mother telling me to quit being so dramatic. My father telling me to stop thinking so much- we never thought about these things. [The WE being that more enlightened generation from which he hails.] Smile. And I know I am a disappointment to my Father. A useless tool for the Spirit. A dismal picture of Jesus Christ. So I just sit on the deck watching the sun rise, drinking my coffee and wait to go Home. For I cannot possibly be any use here on this earth to my Lord .

And Then, a message from my Father....

Ah, Spurgeon. His sermon about depression and the spiritual man "just happens" to appear in my Inbox. He tells it like it is with no games and no confusion. He also tells it with power and purpose and praise. I have been down. Really down. The things that just were and the things to come occupying too much of my heart and soul. The Accuser reminding me of my failures every day. On top of that the complete weakness and uselessness of my flesh have weighed heavy on my heart lately. Waking up each day waiting for the night. Waiting for the rest, that never comes.

If you find yourself struggling with hearts- Gods', yours, others'. If you find yourself downcast. Read the sermon by Spurgeon in the above link. It is long. Very long. But therein you will find encouragement for your soul. Purpose for your pain. Strength for your walk. Are you tired? Read on. Are you disillusioned? Read on. Are you dull? Find the Reason to shine again. It is there. He is there.

Psalm 27:13-14

I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD

in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

"Set small store by present rewards, be grateful for earnests by the way, but look for the recompensing joy hereafter. Continue, with double earnestness, to serve your Lord when no visible result is before you.

Any simpleton can follow the narrow path in the light: faith’s rare wisdom enables us to march on in the dark with infallible accuracy, since she places her hand in that of her Great Guide. Between this and Heaven there may be rougher weather yet, but it is all provided for by our Covenant Head. In nothing let us be turned aside from the path which the divine call has urged us to pursue." All quotes -Charles H. Spurgeon