Inconsistency and Anger.

How do I consistently live so inconsistently?! 

On Mondays I meet with two dear ladies to discuss the Scriptures from a counseling aspect. We are currently studying Anger in the Word. We are going alphabetically through themes. Oh that the entire world was alphabetized, I digress. I sat and read at least 50 verses on Anger. I was touched to the core with the Lord's words on the prideful anger in our hearts. I got the difference between sinful verses righteous Anger. I really did get it, and agreed I with His wisdom.

Within an hour the boys woke up and proceeded with their morning routine of annoying each other, along with running around, wrestling, and thundering about upstairs. They weren't doing their chores (so nicely posted on the fridge in colors with alternating weeks so as to be "fair"). They weren't getting dressed, etc. so that they could begin their school work. They were whining about something, but I cannot remember what. Boy did I yell.

I had had enough of their lack of gratitude, self-control, and self- discipline, of their noise, bickering, inefficiency, and so on. Honestly, today I do not even remember what it was that ticked me off so much. I sit there thinking that I am justified in my Anger because they are sinning, again. I think I deserve better behavior from them, and I do. I am not unreasonable in my standards.

Yet I know that my response does not please the Lord. I know that I have not rested on His authority or sovereignty in their lives. They should know that their sinful behavior has consequences, and affects the lives of others greatly, but how to teach them that without raising my voice?! Don't they need to get an idea of the concept of wrath? Don't they need to know they do not sin in a vacuum? Don't they need to know they are driving their mother crazy (to paraphrase my own, dear mother)? I don't know.

I just want peace, and respect, and less sticky stuff all over the house. I would like to say something and just have it done. No arguing. No rebelling. No them going to play PS2 instead. 

Does the word Idol come to anyone's mind?!

Anytime I counsel another or when I reflect on my own desires (that, again, are not in themselves sinful) I hear my precious Father say to me, "My little Lioness, stop roaring and listen to Me. Are you listening to Me? That is all I want from you as well. Not unreasonable, eh? Why can you not meet My requests either? Are they too difficult for you? Are they insane demands from an unloving enemy? Dear, daughter, they are too difficult for you without My Spirit, but I have provided Him to you. You are still a masterpiece in progress, as are your sons. I've forgiven you thousands upon thousands of times. Extend Grace. Extend Forgiveness. Rest. In Me."

So, I  am trying to be quieter today. I have reading in Leviticus to do and also more Anger studying. Wonder what challenges lie ahead today? Thanks be to God that I am not alone and He will give victory. For His glory and for beauty.